Building Bridges on your own dime.

Long ago in 1995 when I married my second husband (ex now) I made a point of inviting my oldest daughters, fathers family to the wedding.  It was an attempt at building a bridge and in hopes of getting everyone involved to help raise my child in the most peaceful and collective manner.   It was a small attempt, but it was more than they had ever offered in the form of building a bridge.   I remember having my feelings hurt and ultimately my heart broken as the invitation was not only declined, but I was criticized and called "weird" by my own daughter for inviting her fathers family.  By my own daughter.  In an attempt to build a bridge.  The scar is still there.

Here in Korea its hard for foreigners/outsiders to become immersed in the Korean culture, unless you are a white man dating a Korean woman.  Koreans do not invite foreigners over to their house to join in holiday celebrations or family get togethers, as we do in the United States.  On rare occasions they will invited us to join them at a restaurant for lunch or dinner.  In the United States, we generally open our door to friends and co-workers to join us for holidays or weekend parties.  One of my co-workers spent a month in the Western United States and was hosted by a family.  He was shocked that the family actually invited him along on a family outing to Yosemite Park.  He even seemed as though he was inconvenienced and appalled that they invited him along.  I was equally shocked at his negative response about the invitation.

Here in Korea, getting to know co-workers or others in the community takes some navigating.  I decided it would be socially beneficial to offer a free community English class geared mainly towards housewives or female business owners/workers.  A "win-win situation" as Stephen Covey so famously penned.

I offer one night a week of free English at the local coffee shop.  Its been a success and everyone enjoys themselves, including me.  I look forward to it every week.  But why is it that when you offer to build a bridge at your own expense, it is never enough?  Someone inevitably complains that it is too long, or you are called weird for wanting to build the bridge at all.  Or one night of bridge building just simply isn't enough.

I wanted to do this free community class.  It was my idea.  It was to be an hour and a half of English grammar/vocabulary and then conversation.  The only thing I asked for in return was to teach me some target Korean.  But that deal just wasn't enough.   Students ask me to teach classes at their churches or want me to move the class to another night, or add an additonal night.  No one offers any mention of compensation as they know I can not accept payment or I could lose my visa.  I find this invasion extremely appalling and am shocked that anyone has the audacity to scream "more" free product please, particularly when the going hourly rate is W45,000.

When someone offers to build a bridge between two planes, and it benefits you, if only in a small way, accept it.  Do not exploit it or cheapen it by asking for more.  If free is not enough I might recommend the nearest academy which charges a shocking $1,000 a month tuition.  My bridge is suddenly falling apart on my side of the plane.  And I'm not at the moment inclined to try to fix it.